Flake Lace
Is this poem any good?
OK this a poem i wrote please rate it
I wake, the night as black as pitch
the clock says half past eight
Has he come? Is he here?
Don’t tell me he is late
The earth is silent, he is coming
his arrival is at hand
That’s him! He whispers though the tree
I run to where he stands
See him alight upon the ground
With feet as light as snow
He turns and grins and winks at me
I manage a hello
His hair is laced with crystal flakes
His breath is cold as ice
His smile as warm as the summer sun
But his eyes speak certain vice
Snowflakes swirl around his head
Ice crawls ‘cross the ground
Prepare yourself for winters wrath
Jack Frost has come to town
You definitely have talent. I was a little disappointed it was just Jack Frost! It is really not for others to comment on the intent of a poem, yet of course, unless it will just be for the writer to keep in a private book, then someone will have opinions – but the writer really needs to be the one who is happy with the final statement of the work. As I was reading, it made me wonder: Why are you awaiting his arrival? Why is his smile warm? These are just simple questions, but the poem is illustrative and draws the reader in . . . causing the reader to try to wonder what you are describing, where it might be going (in a good way). The descriptions, of the silent earth, feet light as snow, laced with crystal flakes, crawls ‘cross the ground, are all stated in a manner that is not excessive, but a lovely picture that shows a different part of your “character” in each line. Very nice. I wonder what it might sound like if it was a little longer . . . maybe making the reader believe he might be a real person, draw in for a little longer, and then reveal that he is a part of nature? Just a thought, but the poem is a wonderful description. Write some more.
www.kustomsyndicate.com ( da balck sheep’s lace paint job, step 1 ).
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